9 Ways to Support Someone Going Through IVF

Less than 35 years ago, IVF was not a household word and, to this day, not that many people really understand what couples have to go through to have a child with this procedure. As a society, we appear uninformed about how to best support someone going through IVF.

As a current IVF patient, Leah Johnson is passionate about educating others about IVF to reduce the stigma around talking openly about infertility and fertility treatments. She knows first hand the amazing difference that effective support can make.

​1.    Get Educated
Support someone through IVF by learning about the process yourself – knowledge is power. If you understand the medications, steps, procedures and timeframes, you will be able to make educated and useful comments and/or ask appropriate questions. There are many free resources, blogs and videos online that can get you up to speed so you are informed when or if they want to talk.

2.     Don’t Ignore The Elephant 
They might not want to tell you all the details of what is going on however ask how they are doing and let them know you are there if they want to talk. If they say they don’t want to talk about it, then respect that, however if you avoid the topic altogether it may make them feel that you are not interested. Simply asking how they are doing shows them that you care.

3.     Don’t Ask Them If They Are Pregnant
Family and friends can often be so eager for the person to have a baby that they ask constantly and this is very frustrating and upsetting for the person. Trust me, she wants to be pregnant just as much as you want her to be but ease up on the pressure!

4.     Mood Swings and Weight Gain
It is common for women who go through IVF to gain weight and experience mood swings due to the large amounts and high dosages of medications and hormones. Do not comment harshly about these things and try and remember that there is not a lot she can do to control it. Try to remember that they are most likely under a lot of financial, emotional and psychological stress already.

5.     Offer Your Help
Don’t be general as they will mostly likely say no if you simply ask “do you need help?”. Instead, offer specific help such as “do you want me to come with you to your appointment tomorrow?”. Whilst they may want privacy, offering specific helps shows that you not only care but also know what is going on for them​

6.     Support Their Decision To Cease Treatment
No couple can endure fertility treatments forever. At some point they will stop and this will be an agonising decision that will involve more grief. Don’t encourage them to try again or try something different. Just respect their decision and allow them to put that chapter behind them.

​7.     Tell Them You Are Pregnant In Writing
If you fall pregnant whilst supporting someone else during IVF, be mindful that your happy news may be a painful reminder of what they are missing. Telling them in writing (text, letter or email) provides them the opportunity and dignity for their initial reaction to be private without the pressure for the immediate response a face to face or public announcement requires. It also demonstrates your respect and empathy for their feelings.

8.     Be Cautious With The Pregnancy or Babies Talk
It can be very difficult to watch other people delight in the joy of pregnancy or babies while making their own is such hard work. Always remember whilst your nausea and swollen feet may be awful, that person sees these as signs of joy and hope!

9.     Don’t Think It’s All Over Once They’re Pregnant Or Have The Baby
Pregnancy is not the end of infertility. For them, the journey won’t even begin to feel like it’s over until they hold their baby in their arms and, even then, it won’t erase the pain of something that consumed their life for years. When they’ve had to fight to make that baby happen, they are likely to be even more protective and cautious than the average pregnant woman.

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Written by Leah Johnson

​Administrator by day and resume and cover Letter writer by night; Leah owns and operates her online hobby Resumes By Leah.
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​As a current IVF patient, Leah is passionate about educating others about IVF to reduce the stigma around talking openly about infertility and fertility treatments.